I. How you have\ would deal with someone who has committed adultery.

Adultery is a sin against God, against our body, and against our spouse. So it has three levels that must be dealt with in counseling or pastoral care.

1.1. Adultery is a sin against God.

In giving the Ten Commandments, God declared, "You shall not commit adultery" (Exodus 20:14). The apostle Paul tells us "fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4).

Adultery affects spiritual life and relationship with God. It is not the unforgivable sin, but first of all that person must be confronted to realize that first of all he or she broke God's law and have sin against God So first of all counselee must be lead in repentance to confess the sin (1 John 1:9) and ask for God's forgiveness. The next phase of his repentance is to understand that adultery affects the church of God. If the sin is already known in the community, than it must be confess in front of the church and ask for forgiveness. Adultery negatively influences the church, and destroys its reputation. If counselee had a leadership position, must resign.

 People often ask, "Why is adultery so bad? What harm does it cause?" While modern society sometimes winks at adultery, God will hold adulterers accountable (Revelation 21:8), because is mockery of his standard and his Word.

1.2. Adultery is a sin against your spouse.

The Greek word for "adulterer" (moichos) is found in such passages as Luke 18:11 and 1 Cor. 6:9. An adulterer is one "who has unlawful intercourse with the spouse of another" (Vine's Expository Dictionary of Biblical Words, pg. 14). Adulterers are covenant breakers. When a young couple gets married they enter into a covenant (Malachi 2:14). The seductress is one who "forsakes the companion of her youth, and forgets the covenant of her God" (Proverbs 2:17). Wedding vows are a covenant between the man, the woman and God. The man and woman vow their faithfulness to each other and promise to "forsake all others" as long as they both shall live. Adulterers break this promise and are therefore liars. They have lied to their spouse and to their God. They lied to their friends who stood up with them at their wedding and served as legal witnesses. They usually end up lying to their children as well.

Adultery also breaks the trust in marriage. And because trust has been destroyed you must work to rebuild trust in your marriage. That's why after this sin you can not just turn page in your marriage and go on like nothing was happened. The next stage of forgiveness must be found in the family. Adultery is so harmful and hurtful because is the ultimate rejection of a person, adultery violates trust, destroys our faithfulness, decimates intimacy and openness and destroys marriages and families.

1.3. Adultery is a sin against your soul and body.

The wise King Solomon said the adulterer "destroys his own soul" (Proverbs 6:32). What makes adultery different from other sins? Referring to adultery Proverbs 6:28 ask the question, “Can a man take fire unto his bosom and not be burned?” What kind of fiery consequences occur when we sin sexually?

1) the fire of disease

2) the fire of difficulty in your future marriage

3) the fire of lost witness to your children when you counsel them

4) the fire of lost fellowship with God

5) the fire of divine judgment

Romans 13:9 define the practical aspects of love. Love does not do the following things: love does not commit adultery, murder, steal or covet. These things are not the way love acts. Sex apart from marriage has the potential to cause harm to ones body and soul. Adultery has its own price, which it is paid long after the sin. That's why we must deal with emotional turmoil, guilt, fear, anxiety, insecurity, self-condemnation, anger and depression, which are known as the reactions that have been known to follow sexual behavior apart from marriage. No wonder the Bible says in 1 Corinthians 6:18 to “flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body.”


II. How you have/would help a man who has a pornography addiction.

Pornography is a ravenous cancer destroying modern society. It is Satan's corruption of God's design for us as sexual beings. Sin never says "enough!" As with any addiction, we build up tolerance, then need more of the substance to receive the same high. In order to help someone overcome this sexual addiction I would suggest this simple plan that may serve as counseling plan.

First of all we must admit this problem.

We must admit our weaknesses and faults to God. We must recognize that we are in it, and have no power to be free form this bondage of sin. For men this is a very humbling fact, but without this first step of admitting we can not do anything. We can overcome only the weaknesses that we admit.

Second step is surrendering this area of life to the Lord and decide with His help to conquer this giant.

Addiction to pornography is an addiction which is growing if it is fed, or declines if it is ignored. In the meantime relationship with the Lord must be built on a daily basis. The man, who wants to be free form the bondage of addiction, must rely on Lord's power a built intimacy with the Lord through Bible reading and prayer. It is a spiritual warfare and the battle must be won through the armor of Christ put on us. The man who wants to conquer this addiction must be willing to sacrifice whatever it takes to keep lust from controlling him. This battle starts with destroying and deleting the pornographic materials in any paper or digital form. Than purposely not viewing TV and Internet late at night. Starving from viewing any pornographic material is the one of the first goal that we should have.

Third step is find accountability support.

In counseling a man with this problem I would say: “You must remember that you're not alone; many other Christians struggle with sexual addictions and plenty of people will understand the issues you're facing. Know that it's impossible for you to overcome your challenges unless you have the support and encouragement of others.” Well, confessing it does not mean we’ll be free forever from more temptation, and that’s why we have to establish an accountability partner. There are a variety of ways we can be accountable: one-on-one, a small prayer group, your mentor, your wife, putting limits on your computer.

I personally put limits on my computer, I installed a program that will stop Internet when visiting pornographic material or any other violence or inappropriate sites and I asked my wife to put a password that only she knows, so it eliminates a lot of temptation.

Pornography is an addiction that blossoms in the secret, that's why its explosion is the way to freedom and victory.

Forth step is settling not for just abstinence, go for purity.

Understand that, while physical abstinence from your sexual addiction is a noble goal, it's not enough, because you can still fall back into your addiction after a temporary break. So we must pursue purity, which give us the power we need to say "no" to every temptation or lustful thought. To be sexually pure, we need a new heart, and only God can give us that. Ask God to create a clean heart within you. Stop depending on your own limited abilities and decide to rely on God's unlimited power working through you. Accept the reality of your brokenness and let it cause you to depend more on God and less on yourself. Addictions can be beaten only when we depend on God.

Fifth step is reminding you regularly of the damaging consequences of moral failure.

The writer Randy Alcorn says, “Whenever I feel particularly vulnerable to sexual temptation, I find it helpful to review what effects my action could have:

  • Grieving the Lord who redeemed me.

  • Dragging His sacred name through the mud.

  • One day having to look at Jesus, the righteous judge in the face, and give an account of my actions.

  • Following the footsteps of people whose immorality forfeited their ministries and caused me to shudder.

  • Losing my wife’s respect and trust.

  • Hurting my daughters.

  • Destroying my example and credibility with my children.

  • Causing shame to my family.

  • Losing self-respect.

  • Forming memories and flashbacks that could plague future intimacy with my wife.

  • Wasting years of ministry training.

  • Undermining the faithful example and hard work of other Christians in our community.

  • On and on."

So let's take the necessary precautions to protect ourselves.

Sixth step is realizing that the road to freedom is a process.

On this road God will change your desires. Probably it will not happen overnight (even if God is powerful enough). When you are on the right way, God will slowly shift “wanter” from this illicit desire into a desire to please him. The battle for sin always begins in your mind. If you lose the battle in your mind, then you’ve already lost the battle. Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above all else guard your heart for it is the well spring of life.”

I believe that the road to freedom will not only deliver us from the bondage of pornography, but on this road God will transform us and change us into his likeness. In fact that is the ultimate goal is to be like Him and to please him in everything we do.

- NL